the Hans Island Liberation Front

Urgent! Action required!

2007-08-28T17:34:00.000-03:00

With the North Pole under attack by the Reds, it is more important than ever that Santa Claus relocate to Hans Island. Otherwise the Soviets will take over Christmas gift delivery for the world, filling children's stockings with old copies of Pravda, bottles of vodka, and spare parts for Ladas. Then they will remember that religion is the opiate of the masses and ban Christmas forever!

Friends, we must not let this happen! The Russkie vodka must come directly to us! And as always, we need the company. We hope some of Santa's elves are female. Even if they aren't, just having Mrs Claus around would be nice.

Yours in hope,

Hans & Hans

Comrades!

2007-08-16T10:05:00.000-03:00

Friends, it has been a cold hard season for us with many hardships and difficulties, and new invaders coming close to our territory - of course we mean the dastardly Russkies and their submarine flags! It is bad enough with Canadians and Danes fighting over our tiny island, now we must ready ourselves for an invasion from the world's last great superpower and winners of the Cold War, the Soviet Union. We can handle the Cold, it's the War we're not so keen on.

Meanwhile, our friends tell us that others have encountered Inukshuk problems similar to ours - apparently Canadian parks are being infested with the evil things just as our island is! People hiking in Killarney Park are being led astray by Inukshuks that mark non-existent trails, while the park staf are tearing down 10 to 30 of the things every day!

People of Killarney Park, we support you in your struggle! Down with Inukshuks!

Hans & Hans

2006-04-24T00:42:00.000-03:00

The people of Hans Island yearn to breathe free! Free from the oppression of Canadian and Danish interlopers!

Well I have to say I am a bit upset right now. More than a bit upset, actually.

My brother was just surfing on the so-called "Inter Web" - which is not easy considering our state of telecommunications, let me tell you - and he discovered a website of people pretending to live on Hans Island!

We got excited for a second there, because there was a picture of a lovely lady in a skimpy bikini. And they said that Hans Island had brothels and booze! But after searching the entire Island very carefully - it took us over an hour - we could find no ladies, no brothels, and only one old half-empty bottle of aqvavit, which we'd ~~lost~~misplaced in a game of Hansian Airborne Bowling.

Not only did these pranksters get our hopes up with their pictures of women, but their "funny" site pretending to be from Hans Island will discourage real women from ever coming to visit!!

Help us please!! God, I am so lonely.

Please come visit, and bring your sister. It doesn't matter what she looks like.

Meanwhile, we are going ahead with our campaign to move Santa Claus to Hans Island, so please sign our new petition that we will send to the North Pole. And you can always show your support by signing the guestbook (which we have just updated - you guys are great!).

Yours in solidarity,

Hans & Hans

check check

2006-04-23T20:47:00.000-03:00

is this thing on?