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map of the location of Hans Island

28 August 2007

Urgent! Action required!

With the North Pole under attack by the Reds, it is more important than ever that Santa Claus relocate to Hans Island. Otherwise the Soviets will take over Christmas gift delivery for the world, filling children's stockings with old copies of Pravda, bottles of vodka, and spare parts for Ladas. Then they will remember that religion is the opiate of the masses and ban Christmas forever!

Friends, we must not let this happen! The Russkie vodka must come directly to us! And as always, we need the company. We hope some of Santa's elves are female. Even if they aren't, just having Mrs Claus around would be nice.

Yours in hope,

Hans & Hans

# posted by hans & hans : 5:34 PM  0 comments  

16 August 2007


Friends, it has been a cold hard season for us with many hardships and difficulties, and new invaders coming close to our territory - of course we mean the dastardly Russkies and their submarine flags! It is bad enough with Canadians and Danes fighting over our tiny island, now we must ready ourselves for an invasion from the world's last great superpower and winners of the Cold War, the Soviet Union. We can handle the Cold, it's the War we're not so keen on.

Meanwhile, our friends tell us that others have encountered Inukshuk problems similar to ours - apparently Canadian parks are being infested with the evil things just as our island is! People hiking in Killarney Park are being led astray by Inukshuks that mark non-existent trails, while the park staf are tearing down 10 to 30 of the things every day!

People of Killarney Park, we support you in your struggle! Down with Inukshuks!

Hans & Hans

# posted by hans & hans : 10:05 AM  0 comments  

more letters from Hans & Hans

  • April 2006
  • August 2007

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